Insane Gardens
by Black Ryu Lord
Summary: 3 insane exchenge students appear at Garden and become SeeD. Will they survive...? Wait... No...Will SQUALL and RIKU survive? Find out by reading this fic! Read and review. Mild Flames excepted.
1. the Craziness begins

Hello People! I'm going to make another fic.

Sister: WOW!

Squall: what am I doing here?

Your job, and I suggest we get on with it, seeing that Rachel is planting explosives on my door... Here's the fic!

* * *

"Hello class, I'm your new teacher Eyes Rutherford. I understand that your previous teacher Zell was captured by Dracula. What was the class doing before he was captured?" asked a young man with shoulder length silver hair and blue eyes. He had an extremely bad British accent, and it was difficult to tell what the Bishonen Pianist was actually saying.

"Learning about the Sorceress War, sir," said a student in the back.

"That rubbish? Well anyway turn your ruddy pages to pg. 56 and read until—WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING!" shouted Eyes, shocked.

"Eating lunch, why?" replied the student with half a sandwich in his mouth.

"You are the worst students I'VE HAD IN TEN BLOODY YEARS, AND EVEN THEN THEY WERE DRUNKS WHO WERE CHUCKED OUT OF EVERY BLOODY PUB WITHIN 200 MILES!" Eyes pulled out his knife and threw it at a student who was sneaking into class. "Late, are we? You have no excuse, detention!"

The bell rang 2 minutes later and the headmaster came in, telling the students they were to have a SeeD field exam in tomorrow.

"Eyes, may I talk to you for a second?"

"Yes Headmaster Squall?"

"You remember that you were going to have an exchange student from America coming tomorrow? Well, forget about it," Squall sighed. "She came a day early and is going to participate in the SeeD Exam. I need you to get her a GF today so she could participate in the slaughterhouse."

"Sure, why not? Where do you suggest getting one?"

"The materia that Cloud-Sama brought with him can be transformed into them; we have an unlimited supply. This one will be in the old tower. Well, here's your knife back, good throw," Squall said tossing it to him, "You're official license of being an instructor is with your knife."

"So what is the GF?"

"I believe Quezacotl, that a problem?"

"No, Sir. Does she have any other GFs?"

"No, this is her first, and can you get her off my leg!"

"Squall! My Squall! Mine, mine, **_MINE!_**!"

Eyes grabbed the crowbar and pried her off Squall. "Is she right in the head?"

"Supposed to be... Well, anyway, it wasn't on the med records. Oh yeah, we have 3 more students too: Mike, Selena, and Riku."

"Where are they?"

"Well, Mike went to do a fight with, I think, Diablos or Odin. Selena and Riku are getting the Brothers and Carbuncle."

"All by themselves?"

"For Mike, yeah. Selena and Riku I think are going together."

"Ok, I'll get the girl her GF, and we'll be at peace at least for a few hours," Eyes said hopefully

"Thank God for that." Squall said.

"Oh Squall, when's the wedding?" asked Eyes sarcastically.

"Shut up you," Squall said turning red.

"Why? Anyway, who are we fighting for this time?"

"I believe it's the Dollet place again... They always are at war with someone. I'll have to get back to you about that," and with that, Squall left.

"NO! MY SQUALL-CHAN!" Rachel cried.

* * *

_To be continued_

Will Rachel see Squall again?

Who are these mysterious people Mike, Selena and Riku?

And WILL YOU REVIEW!


	2. Will the hunt for squall begin?

Hello, Peoples! I thank those who have reviewed my fics, I treasure all of them, except for flames, DIE FLAMERS!

Rachel: Where's my Squall-Chan, where is he!

You know he won't be coming till the day after tomorrow

Rachel: Why?

He's busy making a speech about the hotdogs and to how to help Dollet. Any way here's the fic!

* * *

"I'm hungry!" Rachel said, stomach roaring.

"Jeez, how the hell are you going to be a SeeD with that?" A boy with black hair and blonde tips said.

"Hi Rachel!" A girl with brownish blonde hair screamed.

"Mike! Why do you always leave us behind when you fight GFS!" A sliver haired boy said panting.

"B-B-But it was ODIN! KING OF THE NORSE GODS! I had to fight him alone..." Mike said pouting; "besides I didn't have a Bishonen hunter on top of me."

"Shut up you." The boy said.

"HI Selena! Did you see squall? He ran off after **_he_** used a crowbar and yanked my off." Rachel said with a great anger toward Eyes.

Riku, who had stealthily got out of Selena's grip and looked at Eyes… "You look like, like, like ME!"

"So we do, dye your hair black so we don't have to worry about mix ups." Eyes said calmly.

Selena, overheard the word "dye" and "your" and then blurted with a gigantic head "RIKU WILL NOT DYE HIS HAIR! YOU DYE YOUR OWN FLIPPING HAIR IF YOU WANT TO, BUT RIKU'S ASS IS **MINE**!"

Rachel, Riku, and Mike hid in the corner whilst Eyes stood there, then finally spoke, "How the hell did your head get so big?"

"She does that all the time… Sadly the say, she doesn't loose her voice that easily." Mike said regaining face, "and anyway where's Cloud Sensei?"

"Next door…"Eyes said shocked, "…And wait she can't loose her VOICE!"

Mike left long before Eyes came back from shock, Riku followed him and ditched Selena.

Rachel was trying to calm Selena down, when Eyes remembered he had to drag Rachel to Quezacotl's lair. "Rachel, I know were Squall went, if you follow me I'll take you to him…"

Rachel heard only Squall and follow, so she followed Eyes to the supposed location of squall. They reached the old tower of Quezacotl, and Rachel said "is Squall-Chan here?"

"Why do you call him that? He's not your boyfriend…" Eyes said, coldly

"BECAUSE HE IS MINE! THAT DAMNED RINOA-BITCH KEEPS GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY SQUALL-CHAN! BUT THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE **_VERY _**SOON…"

Eyes stared at her and she stared back. Then he said, "Whatever."

* * *

Will Eyes's Sanity hold up? Will they find Squall? What was Rachel planning? And what is this hotdog speech that me, the author was saying earlier… find out next on…. CRAZY BALAMB GARDEN! Please review :). 


	3. teddy?

Hello! Back again after a good long break… well not exactly, but who cares!

Rachel: what are you talking about, you don't have breaks! Now FIND ME SQUALL-CHAN!

…

Riku: Just do it… it'll shut her up… and GET YOUR SISTER OFF ME!

Selena: My Rikipoo

…Selena, no don't, your choking him, no don't, put him down… SELENA! GIVE HIM BACK HIS SHIRT!

Riku: sobs Hhhheeeeeelllllpppppppp!

* * *

"ARE WE THERE YET!"

"No, we're still not there since the last time you said that Rachel… its just up this hill."

"Are **_YOU _**sure that Squall-Chan's there?"

They reach the top of the hill and saw the abandon tower, lightning was hitting the top and heard a screech of a bird.

"What was… THAT?" Rachel said, "it sounded like something was… dying."

"I don't know, don't care…" Eyes said unnoticing of what just happened.

"I hope Squall-Chan's ok…"

Meanwhile Squall was in his office, making his speech for the invasion of Dollet. A man with a booze bottle and a white long coat came creeping toward Squall.

"What do you want Seifer? I'm busy." Squall said, "If it's about that teaching job that was open, I found someone else, who wasn't an alcoholic, so go away."

"Uh… shut up, I want a place to sleep damn it." Seifer grouched as he walked toward the bed.

"Y-YOU BASTERD! **_THAT'S_** **_MY BED!_**" Squall ran toward his bed and tried throwing him off but Seifer grabbed him and said, "Teddy…"

"Damn it!" Squall yelled angrily, "CLOUD, THAT'S IT! I'LL CALL CLOUD!" He fumbled around in his pocket with a free hand, "were us that phone… I hope he has his razor…"

Bbbbrrrriiiinnngggg… Bbbbbrrrriiinnnggg… Bbbbrriii-"Hello" Cloud spoke in his phone, "hurry up, my batteries are dying."

"I need desperate **_HELP!_** Seifer passed out on my bed and… OH JUST HELP ME!"

"Fine, just wa-" The phone cut off just before Cloud could finish what he said.

"I hope he gets here… **_AND WILL YOU GET OFF OF ME!"_** Squall yelled into Seifer's ear.

"Why, yes Teddy I do want some crackers…"

Just then Cloud walked in from the door, "oh god, I can see why you just wanted me to help… OMNI SLASH!"

"Cloud! NO! DON'T **_PLEASE!"_**

"Ah Shi-"

"Horsy!" Seifer said sleepily and grabbed Cloud.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Cloud and Squall said together.

Will Cloud and Squall be able to get free? Will Rachel be able to get her GF? And will I be able to string to sentences?

Selena: HEY!

What now…

Selena: I'm not in this chapter!

Well I'm not either. So tough love! Actually you in the disclaimers…

Selena: **_NOBODY READS THE DISCLAIMERS!_**

Well bye for now!


	4. The Yaoi Mishap

**Hello! Back again after a good long break… well not exactly, but who cares!**

Rachel: what are you talking about, you don't have breaks! Now FIND ME SQUALL-CHAN!

**…**

Riku: Just do it… it'll shut her up… and GET YOUR SISTER OFF ME!

Selena: My Rikipoo

**…Selena, no don't, your choking him, no don't, put him down… SELENA! GIVE HIM BACK HIS SHIRT!**

Riku: sobs Hhhheeeeeelllllpppppppp!

* * *

"ARE WE THERE YET! 

"No, we're still not there since the last time you said that Rachel… its just up this hill."

"Are **_YOU _**sure that Squall-Chan's there?"

They reach the top of the hill and saw the abandon tower, lightning was hitting the top and heard a screech of a bird.

"What was… THAT?" Rachel said, "it sounded like something was… dying."

"I don't know, don't care…" Eyes said unnoticing of what just happened.

"I hope Squall-Chan's ok…"

Meanwhile Squall was in his office, making his speech for the invasion of Dollet. A man with a booze bottle and a white long coat came creeping toward Squall.

"What do you want Seifer? I'm busy." Squall said, "If it's about that teaching job that was open, I found someone else, who wasn't an alcoholic, so go away."

"Uh… shut up, I want a place to sleep damn it." Seifer grouched as he walked toward the bed.

"Y-YOU BASTERD! **_THAT'S_** **_MY BED!_**" Squall ran toward his bed and tried throwing him off but Seifer grabbed him and said, "Teddy…"

"Damn it!" Squall yelled angrily, "CLOUD, THAT'S IT! I'LL CALL CLOUD!" He fumbled around in his pocket with a free hand, "were us that phone… I hope he has his razor…"

Bbbbrrrriiiinnngggg… Bbbbbrrrriiinnnggg… Bbbbrriii-"Hello" Cloud spoke in his phone, "hurry up, my batteries are dying."

"I need desperate **_HELP!_** Seifer passed out on my bed and… OH JUST HELP ME!"

"Fine, just wa-" The phone cut off just before Cloud could finish what he said.

"I hope he gets here… **_AND WILL YOU GET OFF OF ME!"_** Squall yelled into Seifer's ear.

"Why, yes Teddy I do want some crackers…"

Just then Cloud walked in from the door, "oh god, I can see why you just wanted me to help… OMNI SLASH!"

"Cloud! NO! DON'T **_PLEASE!"_**

"Ah Shi-"

"Horsy!" Seifer said sleepily and grabbed Cloud.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Cloud and Squall said together.

Will Cloud and Squall be able to get free? Will Rachel be able to get her GF? And will I be able to string to sentences?

Selena: HEY!

What now…

Selena: I'm not in this chapter!

Well I'm not either. So tough love! Actually you in the disclaimers…

Selena: **_NOBODY READS THE DISCLAIMERS!_**

Ta-ta bye for now!

Hey, I've been busy with other things like writing my nobody poker game, which is called The Organization's XIII stories.

Selena: advertising, eh?

Well yeah, best thing to do with one of your popular ones, to show you have another. And anyway here is the fic!

"When we last left Cloud and Squall they were trapped in the clutches of a drunken Seifer." A disembodied voice recapped.

"Hey! If they needed to know what happened they could have just read the last chapter!" Cloud and Squall yelled into the air.

"Well, back to selling hotdogs, and I won't help you." The Voice said as he came out of the closet, to show it was a Moogle with a microphone in his hand. He walked away from the room, muttering on how he hated hotdogs.

"WAIT! Damn it!" they both screamed at once. Cloud pulled out his cell and with desperation dialed a number.

"Who are you calling? Can they even help us?" Squall asked.

"Hopefully, but I never wanted to call this number though," Cloud uttered, "It's Sephiroth's number, I don't even know he'll pick up after last week's poker game."

Brriiinnnggg…Brriinnnggg…brrii- "Hello" spoke the phone

"Um… Sephiroth? I ran into some-" Cloud said, before he could finish the phone then spoke, "Please leave a message after the theme song." The phone finished. After waiting 7 minutes the theme song ended and then there was a click, "Hello? Who is this?"

"Sephiroth! I need some help come to Squall's Office quick befor- AHHHH" Cloud was then cut off. The phone then said, "Your call has been dropped, would you like to try for hours to talk to the person that needed your help?" Sephiroth threw his phone to the ground and crushed it with his foot. He teleported out of his home and instantly warped to his phone company, Sprint wireless. He then killed everyone in the building screaming, "This is what you get for dropping my calls!" and then warped to the garden to find out what Cloud wanted. What he saw was indescribably funny to him and started laughing , "Oh my god! Oh god, my stomach hurts!"

"Yeah, yeah, just help us get out of this mess." Cloud said in total embarrassment.

"One sec. HA ah ha ah ha ah ha!" Sephiroth finished then finished with, "ok, I'm done." He then lunged at Seifer with masamune, his extremely long sword, but was then grabbed by Seifer. Seifer then yelled, Bunny! And then hugged the guts out of the three.

Cloud then made a remark, "I tried brute force, he grabbed me too."

"If he doesn't let go in 1 nanosecond, he's going to taste a meteor in his face" Sephiroth threatened, he then waited two seconds and was about to yell, "Super No-"

"You want to kill us all!" Squall yelled pushing Cloud into Sephiroth. Seifer then moved and moved Cloud into Sephiroth into a weird position. The door opened to show a girl with long black hair coming in saying, "Darling, when are going to get mar-" she then found Squall in the bed with 3 men along with him, She then ran screaming "YUFFIE!"

"WAIT! RINOA! I CAN EXPLAIN! DON'T-"

" She's gone Squall, hopefully someone comes and helps us…"

"Wait I hear something." Cloud shouted, Someone was singing here comes Yuffie, to steal your items, here comes Yuffie… She then walked into squall's office and looked at the four of them, she then went into a fit of laughter and ran off.

"Oh, shit… don't tell me she's going to…" the three conscience ones sighing. Just then a mob of fangirls with cameras started taking pictures of Squall, Sephiroth, Cloud and Seifer in bed. Yuffie then sent them away and helped them out, using only a bottle of sake. "Seifer… booze… strong stuff…" Yuffie baited him with. In a few seconds he swung up, grabbed the Sake and ran into Squall's closet.

"Thanks a lot Yuffie, you made us into the dreams of creepy fangirl yaoi!" Squall screamed. They then rose their weapons at Yuffie, she was backed into a corner and out of desperation used a smoke bomb and disappeared.

"YUFFIE!"Squall, Cloud, and Sephiroth screamed, yelling for bloody murder.

* * *

**Finally finished the yaoi part of this little mishap. Anyway what happened as a result of this incident caused fangirls to write what they thought really happened between the 4 of them. Will they ever leave their houses again? Will Rinoa come back to Squall? What ever happened to Rachel and eyes? Will Mike, Riku and Selena be shown again? Come and see at the next Crazy Balamb Garden!**


End file.
